Last week packages of baked goodies were mailed to grandchildren and a great-niece in New York City. Paying for it to go second day, it was to be delivered on Friday, which it wasn’t and on Saturday, they left a notice at her door. On Monday, she went to the post office and was told it was on the truck and she would have to come back later. Here, at home, I began angry and called the local post office and was told it was out of her hands after it left here. Feeling very justified, I wanted to continue on until I knew I was trying to be right. The choice was mine. Did I want to turn to God or continue to be right and unhappy? I was led to Ephesians 3:20-21 which reads “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
There was a total feeling of helplessness when it dawned on me that I am helpless without God, which can never be. I can’t pick and choose when I turn to God, but I knew I just experienced “human will” and “pride” and “ego”. As I release this to God, I know He has this! Rather than have my day ruined, I am rejoicing that I am not in control but knowing God is!
While studying the 9th Chapter of Acts and seeing the before and after of Saul, I am amazed as Ananias listens to God. Saul had long been a persecutor of the Christians until he was blinded by the Truth on his way to Damascus. Ananias was told by God to go and heal Saul of his blindness, but in the 13th verse of Acts:9 he says “Lord, I have heard from many about this man how much harm he did to your saints at Jerusalem;”.
This reminds me of different times I have felt humanly justified in not listening to God. Maybe it was a fear of an upcoming event or a dislike of another person. Whenever I feel a struggle within, I know I am trying to humanly outline rather than listen to God. In the story of Saul before he was transformed into Paul, it would have been easy for Ananias to know he was justified in his feelings toward this man, who had caused so much heart-ache to many, but he had put his personal fears and opinions aside and obeyed God. With the healing of Saul, Paul became invaluable to the Christian movement. We are constantly reminded in our study of the Bible to replace fear with God’s Love and let His purpose unfold. Today, I will watch even closer and replace my human will with His will.
Recently, I had called a real estate office in a small town in East Texas to get pricing on a couple of homes on a near-by lake. It took about six calls before I received a call back and was told he wasn’t sure which homes that I meant. He didn’t call back and when I called again, he was rather flippant about it so I told him that we probably would not be a good fit, so never mind.
There was no way he could make it in sales here where we are because he just wasn’t aggressive enough. My thoughts went on and on along this line and I certainly was justified humanly for not being taken seriously and we were really interested. This way of thinking went on for a while until I realized I wasn’t feeling very peaceful.
As I have studied and prayed and have been taught that I can never find peace when I am prideful and fearful, I know that humility and gratitude is always what is needed to attain that peace. There had certainly been pride and no humility at all. When I feel humanly justified, that is exactly the time I need to check on my humility. I am so grateful for the lessons I learn daily when I listen for that still, small voice.